Giving Birth to a Mouse: Stuart Little

E.B. White's Stuart Little creeps me out a bit.  The expectant parents go to the hospital and come back with a ..... mouse!  The woman gave birth to a mouse! 

It doesn't phase my kids at all. But I can't get past it. 

And I can't imagine a woman having written it.  (I'm assuming the creepiness part never occurred to White.)

I notice that in the movie version, Stuart is adopted.

Job Interviews and Breastfeeding

For the campus interview for my current job, I had to leave my 7-month old daughter for several days.  I left her, but brought the breast pump.  I know I'm not the first one who has had to worry about how to gracefully bow out from the interview for a quick trip back to the hotel to pump milk.  But I've never heard or read anyone tell their story before.  So I thought I'd put it out there.

Breastfeeding moms need to pump their milk (for me, at least a couple times a day) to ensure the milk supply continues.  My nursing friend called it "pump-and-dump."  In this instance, you're not trying to save up that milk, just keep it from drying up.

But at campus interviews, they think they own you for 48-hours.  It might be very awkward to tell the person doing the schedule that you really need to go back to the hotel before dinner.   If you don't tell them the reason, they might think you're anti-social, or stubborn, or not a team player.  After all, no other candidate asked for such special treatment!  If you do tell them, you might wonder at dinner, "Is it just my imagination, or are they staring at my breasts?"

My milk supply was pretty reliable.  So in my case, I just suffered through it and pumped at 9pm, once  back from dinner.  In retrospect, for someone who must pump earlier, I would let the chair of the search and the person in charge of scheduling know that I needed some time back at the hotel for...what? Medical reasons?  Personal, medically-related reasons?  I wouldn't want to just say "personal reasons"--too vague and too open to interpretation (is she a diva? is she lazy? ....).

In my department, I'm open about such things. But on a job interview, I just don't want to go into details.

Any stories or ideas out there? Have you been interviewed as a lactator?  What would you advise someone to say or do?  How to make it not quite so awkward?

Kids of Academics--Joy in Their Joy, Smart Approaches to Their Smarts

The academic community is awash in brilliant children.  We love our little geniuses.  And we tend to stress out about them and their brilliance (myself included). 

I always thought my son (10-yrs old) was smart.  He could follow complicated plots from an early age and had sophisticated and nuanced understandings of the stories I read.  He also was good at math concepts as a preschooler, such as squared versus cubed (yeay Montessori!).  Also, he had a very high vocabulary and incredible recall (excellent listener).

BUT, transitioning from Montessori to 1st grade public, he performed poorly on the basics.  He was behind most of the kids on reading and writing, and about average on math (lot of smart kids in our university/high-tech community).  There were a few problems.

First, he wasn't good at basic memorization (too boring).  So while he could figure out how many square inches in a cube, he couldn't quickly recite 3 + 4.  And while he had much more advanced taste in reading material, he couldn't rapidly identify basic sight words (your, our, she....).  In 1st-2nd grade, none of his strengths were apparent, as all focus was on the basics. 

Second, he was a very process-oriented, not results-oriented, kid.  He was engaged with the process of learning, but wasn't interested in performing it for others or even finishing a project.  He's obedient and would do his schoolwork, but he wouldn't feel the need to be very careful or very fast.  He had an excellent grasp of physics for his age and loved to experiment at home--but never wanted to put together an actual finished project for the science fair.

I was happy that he was still in love with learning.  But I also wanted him to get past that boring phase of memorizing sight words and basic math facts so that he could enjoy the higher-order stuff.  I also worried that he was starting to think of himself as "not smart"--I was getting signs from him this was wearing on his self-esteem.

Neurons started connecting in his brain (or something!).  That, plus a LOT of work with flashcards at home.  He made major progress on reading levels in 1st grade.  Math came along.  Writing took a couple of years.  He remains a very poor speller (no two ways about it).

So we knew he was smart, but it wasn't reflected in the classroom.  And he wasn't marked for "academically talented" testing.  I was OK--I figured he'd do fine in college.  Plus, he was a very happy kid, and that's what matters most in life.  We took it upon ourselves to expose him to a lot of material, ideas, and experiences that were educational and engaging.

But after a 4th grade standardized math test, I got an email that my son was eligible to skip two grades in math.  For the first time, the school recognized his intelligence.  I had trouble processing.  The school had treated him as average for so long.  Had someone failed him up to now?  Me?  His teachers?  Ultimately, I think his brain developed and his attitude changed such that he wanted to do well and finish on time and had the ability to focus.  The next 4th grade standardized state-wide tests in reading, writing, and math further revealed to the school that he was "smart"--one of the best in the grade. 

So I am the parent of a child who has never advertised his intelligence. He was a stealth smart kid.  Until now.  Last night, talking to his cousins by phone, I heard him bragging about being in 7th grade math as a 5th-grader.  Ideally, I'd like him to continue to be "in love with learning" without needing to let others know (without exactly saying it) that he is smarter than they are.  He was on the losing end of this hierarchy until recently, and it sure didn't help his self-esteem back then! 

Not quite sure how to handle it.  He is rightly proud of himself, as he worked really hard this summer to master 5th-6th grade math.  And it is certainly fine to tell others that he's in 7th grade math.  The trick is how to do it in such a way that it is not at others' expense.

When it comes to smart kids, there's considerable amount of talk on parenting blogs about skipping a grade.  I must say that skipping up two grades--but just in math--has been GREAT for my son.   We had a quick mid-semester meeting with his middle-school math teacher, and I confess I was surprised that he had 100%.  I don't think he ever scored a perfect score in math until this year on a test, never mind consistently.  Plus, he now officially likes math.  But he doesn't have to leave his friends behind and form new friendships with kids a year older.  He is socially mature and tends towards kids older than him. But completely skipping to the next grade would probably be too much.

I like this method of skipping grades in a subject, as opposed to skipping the child in all subjects (which seems still the norm).   I have some insight, as I skipped 4th grade.  All in all, this was a good thing for me.  However, there are a LOT of issues regarding social development that never seem to come up, except for here in this NYT Motherlode post by Lisa Belkin and the comments.  For example, a comment by Anne from Wisconsin points out what the social world is like once those grade-advanced kids reach high school (including that s/he will be driving a year later than everyone else, putting them at the mercy of friends' driving skills).

Getting back to academic kids--some of my professor friends (including 3 good friends) have children on the autism spectrum.  All Asperger's.  Extremely smart, but also facing many challenges.  The challenges include an apparently higher rate of depression and even suicidal thoughts at a surprisingly young age.  I don't know where I'm going with this, except that so much of this all seems in large part inheritable--intelligence, but also Asperger's and its attendant emotional/psychological challenges. 

More than anything, I want my children to be happy in life!  Happy store clerks--that would be OK.  Maybe not ideal--but better than depressed academics.  Seriously.   

My son is a happy boy.  My daughter careens between cranky and joyful and bossy -- we're working on this.

My Thanksgiving Backlog

Happy Thanksgiving! 
I am thankful for so much. My family most of all.

But Thanksgiving week is also the week when I try very hard to catch up on my backlog.  This year is particularly bad.  So I am also thankful that my family hasn't yelled at me yet for working this morning.

Meet my To-Do list:

• Grading:
• 1 term paper for Euro university (40 pgs) asap
• 36 papers for class (5-7 pgs ea) by Tues but haven't started yet
• Reviews:
• 2 manuscripts for journals - both due in 2-3 weeks
• 1 book review for a journal - due last August :(
• Research:
• revise and resubmit by Dec. 17 (this is what is killing me the most)
• prep campus lecture (new) to give Dec. 2
• continue to work on paper with student for submission by Jan. 31
• my book manuscript - draft last 3 chapters by May 2011
• Read and give comments:
• 2 chapters of colleagues book manuscript - due asap
• 2 chapters of grad student dissertation - due week of Dec. 6
• 1 article manuscript by grad student - due whenever she makes an apptmt with me and sticks to it.
• Service
• prepare two new course proposals - due a year ago
• all sorts of other little things
• Courses for next semester:
• prep an entire new course! gulp
• Recommendations
• three letters of recommendation - not so bad

I am thankful it's not worse!  But yes, I am working (for just a few hours) on Thanksgiving day. 

My son is bummed because nearly every single one of his friends has gone somewhere this week for the holidays.  Unfortunately, I couldn't dream of taking a vacation right now.  I so desperately need this week of no classes so I can catch up on work!

And Now for Something Different-Fashion Report

Two years ago I discovered Not Your Daughter's Jeans (NYDJ).  They are really comfortable, well-made, and fit middle-age women.  I bought two pair of the boot cut jeans (wide-leg, but not bell-bottoms), even though they are about $100 a pop--that's how good they are!  

And I was happy with them, except that they look best with a couple-inch heel shoe--pointy-toe.  You know that style.  In my area a lot of women over-30 (myself included) wear clogs with the boot-cut jeans--less flattering, but we're moms!

Then I went to Europe a few weeks ago.  European women (at least in the country of my visit) have fully embraced the jeans tucked in boot style.  You know what I mean.  On my campus, nearly every single female student is wearing jeans (or black leggings) tucked in Ugg boots or riding boots or rain boots (Hunter brand).

I felt like such a fashion fuddy-duddy.  In Europe, I was the only one around (under, say, 65) who hadn’t made the transition.  I was bummed, since my boot cut jeans still look almost new.  Plus, I thought you had to be skinny to wear this style.   But then I saw a lot of average weight women wearing the style.

Long-story short, I went to Nordstrom’s and splurged on a sweater ($68), two pairs of KUT from the Kloth Skinny Stretch Jeans ($69 ea) plus these:

Cole Haan.  They were $189.  Definitely my most expensive shoe ever (except for ski boots).  But I LOOOOOVE them.  I wore them 6 days in the first week.  They are so comfy.  And notice--they are flat.  That's the best thing of all--flat shoes are fully back in style.  The jeans are great too: less expensive than NYDJ, well-made, and very comfy.  And my 5-yr old says they don't make my butt look big.

Until recently, I tended to buy less expensive shoes, say $30 - $50 on sale. But I'd buy several each season.  I've started buying one really good, expensive pair of shoes each season.  They last several years and they are so much more comfortable. 

So, that's how I've rationalized my big Nordstrom shopping extravaganza. 

Unequal Pay--Don't they have laws against this?

A grad student that I work with is on the job market.  She is doing great as an ABD, especially in this market.  She has 3 on-campus interviews thus far. 

Get this: a university contacted her via email and told her they had narrowed the candidates down considerably. Due to budget cut backs, they needed to ensure that the salary range that they were authorized to offer for this job was acceptable to the candidates before they flew anyone out for an interview. She was told her salary range was $48,000-$50,000. She agree to that.

Problem: the same school contacted another ABD in the department who had also applied. He is set to defend same month she is. So same degree, same stage in career, same job.  BUT he is told his salary range was $50,000-$59,000!  Yes--you read that correctly!

She is naturally curious as to how the calculated such different salary ranges.  Interestingly, she got an interview; he did not.

Amazing how stupid people with Ph.D.s can be--what could they be thinking?  For now, she is waiting to see how the job interview plays out.

Have you heard of similar stories in academia?  What do you think she should do?

Blogging Angst

Why do I blog? Behold, the facts:

• I am boring.  I struggle with everyday tensions and conflicts and joys.  It is good for me to write about them--to explore, to vent, to write down for posterity.  But I can't expect anyone else to be very interested.  Really.
• Blogging does not help my career in any way I can fathom, but for the need to vent.  
• Sometimes I like to get on my soapbox. 
• Sometimes I like to share something I've learned that helped me survive the publish or perish world or the parenting world--or both.

So, I blog to vent, get on my soapbox, share some news or lesson learned, figure something out through writing about it, or simply remember it later (usually kid-related).  I also like the virtual community and the mutual support that develops among bloggers--that is neat.  And I will try to write in a clear and engaging style for readers' sake.

But I will never make money, become even semi-famous, become a noticeably better parent, or get promoted from associate to full professor by blogging about it.  

I have to write this down, to document it for myself because I'm the type of person that could become a little too fixated on building a successful blog--pleasing the audience, looking for new followers, etc.  But that would take up waaaaaaay too much of my time and not really pay off much for an anonymous blogger such as myself.

So, back to work on my book, plus that revise and resubmit article due in 1 month! 

• Oh, plus I have to arrange for four days worth of snacks for my daughter's kindergarten (it should have been 5 days, but we forgot to do it today!).  
• And make sure my son finishes his homework (had a 7:30am mtg with his teacher this morning about the fact that it is taking him 2+ hrs to do his homework.  Unfortunately, nothing much resolved. And my son is going on 2 hrs again tonight as I write this.).  
• And I didn't mention yet that I missed half my daughter's ballet recital tonight because my bus was 20 minutes late! It is NEVER late--except for ballet recital night.  (Luckily, her dad and brother were there for the entire recital. She hasn't figured out exactly when I arrived--so she's not mad. But I'm mad).